2 Senior Southerners Visit California -- Post 1: All Hotel Rooms are Not Created Equally

On our 14-night trip to California in late April/early May of this year, the Silver Fox and I stayed in 8 different hotel rooms, thus 8 different beds.  We really began to understand why many of our friends prefer cruising at this stage of their lives (Translation? Unpack once and you're done). In our case, though, we wanted to cover a lot a territory and many miles, some on a group tour and some traveling independently, so stopping for the night in different locations was the only way to accomplish our goal.

Our daughter Laura undoubtedly holds the record in this category.  Four days after she graduated from high school, she got on a plane bound for California where she went through orientation, rehearsals, and training and then spent the remainder of the summer touring with the Celebrant Singers.  They crossed the country on a bus in a somewhat northerly pattern, stopping to lead worship in churches where they had been invited. They flew to Bulgaria for three weeks, then made their way back to California with a more southerly itinerary.  During that time, Laura estimates that she slept in 86 different beds -- mostly host homes and a few hotels.  Doesn't that sound like a great theme for a "Survivor" series?  Let's just say that Laura learned how to get a night's sleep under a myriad of circumstances, and God graciously protected her during those months.
However, she was 18.  Steve and I are both in our 60's.  We're a little harder to please than we were in our early days.

But, don't forget, when we go on mission trips, we go with a completely different mindset, and our expectations for comfort and accommodations are extremely low.  We manage just fine.  We both well remember staying in a little hotel in Guatemala back in the early 90's that cost $2.50 per night, and in Steve's words "even that was highway robbery!"  A bare light bulb in the center of the room.  Standing on a crate in the shower to keep the roaches from crawling over our feet.  Cold water for bathing.  Bed linens that had been draped over the bushes outside to dry after being hand-washed.  Are you getting the picture?

However, the trip to California was different.  This was the longest vacation -- pure vacation for vacation's sake -- we've ever taken.  This was how we decided to celebrate his recent retirement and our 42nd anniversary.  We wanted it to be special. . . and it was.

1)  Our first hotel of the trip was the Hilton Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco.  It was comfortable, clean and in a great location.  Seafood restaurants, the wharf, Ghiradelli Square, the cable car line and fresh sourdough bread were within easy walking distance.  It was not over-the-top, but it certainly got our trip off to a good start.

2) Hotel #2 was the Yosemite View Lodge -- the closest hotel to the entrance to Yosemite National Park.  We particularly loved our room here because the Merced River was roaring right outside our back door.  We could practically feel the spray when we sat on our balcony.  We kept our window open all night savoring the sound and all of the fresh air.

3)  The Embassy Suites near Monterrey Bay was fabulous.  Every amenity you could imagine.  The lobby and decor were amazing, and the buffet breakfast was great.  I would highly recommend it.  Again, it was a short walk from the Fisherman's Wharf in Monterrey and not far from the Monterrey Aquarium, a fascinating place.

4)  As expected, everything in Beverly Hills is eye-popping.  The Hyatt Regency at Century Plaza is apparently where many celebrities come in and out.  If I saw any, I didn't know it, however.  Elton John performed a benefit concert on one of the nights we were there (no, we didn't attend).  Paula Abdul lives next door and eats in the restaurant frequently.  Hulk Hogan brings his family for dinner there several times a week.  A large office building is across the street where Hollywood agents work their magic.  There is even a tunnel from that building to the hotel, apparently to provide a quick private way for agents and stars to drop over for lunch without confronting a lot of adoring fans.  Am I name-dropping a little too much here?  This was another wonderful place in a great location.  A fabulous mall was a block away.  One night we took in a movie and had a mouthwatering Italian dinner there.  Although the whole Los Angeles area was our least favorite part of the trip, there were still some nice sights and tastes to enjoy.  And, how can a couple of Senior Southerners say they've toured the coast of California without spending a least a little time there?  Right?  I admit I had hoped for a tiny glimpse of Richard Gere, even though my Silver Fox is much cuter.

5) Hotel #5 is where we hit a snag.  We ended out Group Tour Experience on Sunday morning, May 5th, and rented a car for the rest of the trip with our primary destination being San Diego.  In looking at the map, we realized that Shadow Mountain Community Church where David Jeremiah pastors would be only a few miles out of the way, so I made a reservation at a Best Western in El Cajon, very close to the church.  Did your mother ever teach you the sayings "If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably isn't" or "You get what you pay for?"  Well, mine did, too, but I took a momentary lapse of my senses when I saw on-line where a room was available for only $58 -- which sounded amazing considering the other prices we were paying.  I figured "One night.  What could it hurt?"  Well, when you get out of your car and see a used hypodermic needle in the parking lot, you should probably just cut your losses and find another hotel.  When you drive back in after attending the church service and a lady is sitting on the wet grass having drained a bottle of hard liquor, you might want to question your choice.  When the door lock is broken, when you feel the need to place heavy furniture in front of the door, when the walls are so thin you can hear the conversation in the next room, and when the bed is horribly uncomfortable and the pillow feels like a pizza box -- well, okay.  I promise.  If Steve had not been with me, I absolutely WOULD NOT have stayed there.  But, we survived and learned a great lesson for future trips.  STAY FAR AWAY FROM BARGAIN BASEMENT HOTEL DEALS!!!

6) Next stop was a great-sounding Bed and Breakfast in La Jolla Cove.  Picturesque.  Quaint.  Gourmet breakfast.  Those were the words used to describe the place.  We have had good experiences with B & B's in the past, but sadly, this wasn't one we would recommend or plan to visit again.  However, if you want to try it, I have a $50-off coupon I'll be happy to GIVE you.  It WAS conveniently located to cute shops and nice restaurants, but the words I would use for my "reality brochure":  Snooty. Tiny. No room for luggage. Hard beds.  Average breakfast.  We did, though, enjoy our breakfast companions the next morning -- a nice Canadian family with delightful British accents there to celebrate mum's 80th birthday.

7) The next night was a GIFT, literally.  We stayed at a beautiful Marriott in Mission Valley thanks to a generous gift certificate I received at Christmastime and had saved for just such an occasion.  The room and bed were so comfortable and nice, and so was the entire hotel.  We had gotten such poor sleep the previous nights, we  made up for it in this place and completely forgot to make pictures.  I would highly recommend it, but I'll admit it would be a splurge if you had to pay for it with "real money."  :)

8) Our last hotel of the trip was the Hilton San Diego Bayfront.  Again, I found it from a "deal" on Orbitz, but we lucked out with this one.  It was in a beautiful spot, and the room was great.  Steve even wrote a whole blog about the view from this hotel window.  For "just a few dollars more," you could have parking and a bountiful, buffet breakfast.  It was well worth the money, and we enjoyed it immensely.  The location was a perfect launching pad for our last few days in California, and again I would give it 2 (or even 3) thumbs up.

I'm sorry if I sound pretty spoiled in this blog post.  Let's just say that if you're planning a trip to California, you might want to pay attention to my recommendations and stay far away from #5 and #6.  Otherwise, you'll be very happy.  I can just about guarantee it.

Cross-Generational Shopping -- My Mom Would Have Been Proud

As family folklore tells it, my Mom had only two dresses growing up.  They both got washed on Saturdays which necessitated a time of "standing behind the wood stove" while they dried.  I wish I could ask her to describe everything to me again, but I can't, so we'll just go with that assumption.

Needless to say, when my Mom was older and married to my Dad who made a nice salary and even more when she was also working, my Mom LOVED to shop.  She didn't just walk into a store, pick out the first decent blouse or dress that she saw, pay for it, and go home.  No.  She made shopping into some kind of art form.  No dress in her size was left unviewed or unconsidered.  And, she certainly saw no reason to try only one store when a whole mall was beckoning.  A person (such as her oldest daughter) needed to be properly-nourished and well-hydrated to survive a day-long trek to Montgomery when Mom was on a quest.  We lived in Troy, you understand, but my piano teacher was in Montgomery -- how convenient! -- so we certainly couldn't waste all that gas by not killing several birds with one trip, now could we?

I could manage to stay enthusiastic and engaged for about an hour, then I was prone to becoming somewhat whiny and moody.  (Yep, I was one of THOSE teenagers).  She just endured me and went right on.

Maybe that's the reason I never became a big-time shopper.  Don't get me wrong.  I like spending money on pretty things, but generally I think about it in advance, decide on one or two stores where the item(s) might be, go into those particular stores looking for that particular item, find what I want, decide if I still want it, pay for it, and walk out.  There's very little veering off of the path.  Shopping is something I get in my car to do when it won't really work to just order it on-line using free shipping.  Steve is much, much worse, but that's a story for another day.

When our kids were growing up, I would say that the clothes budget was one of the biggest factors in determining how often we shopped, where we shopped, and how much we bought.  During one period of their lives, Laura and Julie really wanted designer jeans (for Matt it was Air Jordan basketball shoes).  Well, the budget allowed for regular, normal, everyday jeans (or basketball shoes).  We decided to let them earn the money to pay the difference if that label mattered so much to them.  But I'm entering another subject.  Stick to the story, Connie.

I'll let THEM tell you about a particular school-clothes shopping trip we made to Boaz one year.  I'm sure they'd have you cheering for their side.  :)

I do remember some particularly fun trips with the girls when we were shopping for prom dresses and then wedding dresses -- the dream of every mother who has a daughter.  Laura and Julie generally had very different color and style preferences, reflecting their unique personalities, but would you believe they both liked the very same wedding dress?!  Again, I digress.

Last week, oldest granddaughter Allie was in need of a shopping trip.  She is going to be in an Acteens Coronation at Whitesburg Baptist in a few weeks.  Her Mom is 8 1/2 months pregnant and has a pulmonary embolism, so GRANDMOMMA TO THE RESCUE!!  :)  Whitesburg had established some very conservative guidelines, so I figured we'd go in, find THE dress that met all the criteria and be done in just a little while.

Oh no.  My Mom would have been so proud.  Allie took this opportunity to look at every dress in her section of the store, whether it was her size or not.  We tried on several, but I could tell she wasn't finished looking.  We stopped for some Chinese food -- that girl loves honey chicken -- then we walked the entire length of the mall, window shopping, shoe shopping, home decor shopping, you name it.  At the next big department store, Allie once again, looked at every remote dress possibility.  But, wouldn't you know it?  The better choices were at the first place we had looked.  :)  So, back through the mall we went.

Allie thought this blue dress would look graceful and billowy.  It did, but she wasn't bowled over.  She tried to imagine it with her hair pulled up.

The runner-up dress was this pink floral with white, lacy shrug.  It turned out to be too small, and I think she didn't look quite "old enough" in it.  After all, she'd heard that some of the girls come to this coronation looking like they're going to the prom.

Bear in mind that we were sending pictures to her Mom for approval as we went along.
Finally, the winning dress!  I think Allie felt like a princess as soon as she put it on.  You can see her in this picture trying a royal curtsy.  :)

Now, here's where Allie's personality really asserted itself.  She loved the white dress, but she wanted to add a "pop of color."  Thus, the coral shoes.  Definitely HER choice, very Allie-esque.

She's going to look beautiful for her big event, and I'm planning to have a front-row seat to watch it all unfold in person.  We were both completely worn out by the end of our excursion but thoroughly satisfied with the results.  We had Allie's Mom's approval, and I'd like to think my own Mom (Allie's great-grandmother) would have approved, too -- both of the dress and the whole shopping experience.  Now, which granddaughter wants to be next?

Anniversary Cooking Class

A few days ago on March 20, Steve and I celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary.  Thank you, God.  As I described in a post on our 40th anniversary, we have had some very unique anniversaries in past years.  Whale-watching on Maui for our 25th, snowmobiling in the Cascades for our 30th, a weekend in a rain forest resort in Ecuador for our 35th to name a few.  We are looking forward to a trip to the California coast in a few weeks to celebrate Steve's recent retirement, this anniversary, my birthday, Mother's Day and whatever else we can think of to throw in, so when our actual anniversary date showed up on the calendar this year, we were both willing to go a little low-key.

We love sharing new experiences and learning new things together, so when I saw a Couples Cooking Class advertised at Williams-Sonoma for last Tuesday night, it seemed like the perfect thing to do.  Steve agreed.  Along with being known as the Queen of Questions, my subtitle could be Queen of Casseroles, but I'm generally willing to experiment in the kitchen, and Steve is full of curiosity about cooking.  So, off we went to join several other couples watch, ask questions, and enjoy a delicious meal together.

Our chef/teacher for the evening was Brian who has studied at a culinary school in Atlanta.  His multi-tasking abilities were amazing.  Many pots were simmering, and nothing burned.  Here he is preparing the steaks.

Our menu consisted of French Onion Soup, Rib-Eye Steak with Pan Jus, Mushroom Rice Pilaf, and Chocolate Pots de Creme.

Mirrors above the cooktop helped with the instruction.  Oh, the smells in that store after just a few minutes.

French onion soup is one of my favorites, so I was delighted to watch how to make it and to sample Brian's version.

You may not like your meat this rare, but it really was delicious, and so was the rice pilaf, plated here.

I couldn't resist buying some little ramekins (wasn't that the point of having the classes in the store?) to make the chocolate dessert in the near future.  It was EXTRA good.  From what I understand, strawberries or raspberries and a dollop of whipped cream really dress this up, but they are not required for success.  :)

Here are a few things that we learned that I hope to incorporate into a menu for guests before long.  Even after cooking for 42+ years, I had never used these ingredients or techniques.
1)  Gruyere cheese is delicious.  That's what was on top of the French onion soup.
2)  Leeks should be washed much more thoroughly than onions.  Both were used in the soup.
3)  Fresh rosemary is wonderful when it is pushed into the meat and seared before baking.  Ahhhh, the aroma.  It motivated me to grow some fresh herbs.
4) White pepper is more flavorful than black pepper.
5)  Star Market carries wonderful meat.
6)  Fresh lavender and thyme are worth buying.
7)  Mushrooms look and taste better when they have been peeled, and it is not hard to do.
8)  Chocolate pots of creme are worth the effort.  A little portion can be very satisfying.  This is MUCH better than chocolate pudding.  It is a special dessert.
9) I really WILL need Steve's help in the kitchen if I'm going to start cooking like this.  :)

Williams-Sonoma has a new schedule of cooking classes every month.  I would recommend that you attend one.

Back Door Theology

Steve and I had at least one teenager living in our house from November of 1986 until October of 1998.  There were a few years when Laura, Matt and Julie were all teenagers at the same time, and to add to the merriment we threw in a fourth one (an exchange student from Germany named Sebastian) for the 1992-93 school year.  Everywhere we turned we had hormonal angst in the form of acne, drivers' tests, first kisses, homecoming dances, proms, break-ups, fender-benders, youth camps, final exams, ACT tests, golf tournaments, show choir performances, softball games, soccer games, track meets, trips abroad, and even a FAMILY Spring Break trip to Panama City in an embarrassing (to them) minivan with a turtle on top for "cruising the strip" in style.

For the most part, I look back on those years and would actually like to be living them again (provided I could know how everything and everyone was going to turn out).  The days were crazy busy but full of amazing memories-in-the-making.

Now, some of you may have been blessed with perfect kids.  While mine had spurts of being mighty close to perfection, they also had bouts of just plain orneriness, hard-headedness, rebelliousness and even sneakiness (that sounds better than deceitfulness, doesn't it?).  We had an almost-written-in-stone habit of sitting down for dinner together, and out of those mealtimes came some wonderful family stories and jokes.  We laughed A LOT.  But, there were other days when I couldn't say "Good Morning" without a scowl or a slammed door or even worse, I couldn't say "How was your day?" without rolled eyes and a loud huff.  When it seemed warranted, I would respond with a warning.  Other times I just shrugged, choosing to fight another battle on another day, and decided to view their actions as "the nature of the beast."  I hadn't exactly been a saint during my teenage years either, but I didn't think they needed to know that just yet.

We did do a lot of talking.  When our teenagers were in the mood to communicate, they were very witty, entertaining, insightful and honest.  We were fortunate to be in good churches during the years when our children needed to be surrounded by other Christian teenagers and parents, and they had very godly youth ministers.  Steve and I certainly did our share of "preaching" around the house, but we knew that often our words were completely tuned out.

I started pondering how I could leave them with a word of blessing or warning or encouragement or truth, even on days when they just wanted to head out the door, off to school or work, or on their dates without hearing anything from me.  As God would have it, I was spending a lot of time in Proverbs during those years, and I found a lot of wisdom in that book and in Ecclesiastes, verses that often said a lot in just a few words. I also realized that there was one particular wall by the back door that they almost HAD to see before leaving each time.  So, there was the perfect place for a "parting word," and I didn't have to come up with something out of thin air.  God had already provided it.

Here are some of the ones I found and used.  There are dozens more that would also be effective and useful.  Feel free to borrow this idea of putting God's word in front of your teenagers or tweak it in the way that would work best in your home.  I just didn't have the time to cross-stitch everything I wanted them to remember.  :)

WHEN WE WEREN'T SEEING EYE TO EYE --
"The Lord corrects everyone he loves, just as parents correct their favorite child."  Proverbs 3:12
(Laura and Julie automatically thought this referred to Matt since they called him The Golden Boy, but I hope they know by now that they were ALL THREE our favorites.)

"To accept correction is wise, to reject it is stupid."  Proverbs 12:1

"Children with good sense accept correction from their parents, but stubborn children ignore it completely."  Proverbs 13:1

"Children with good sense make their parents happy, but foolish children make them sad."  Proverbs 10:1

"Correct your children before it's too late; if you don't punish them, you are destroying them."  Proverbs 19:18

"My children, obey the teachings of your parents, and wear their teachings as you would a lovely hat or a pretty necklace."  Proverbs 1:8-9
(Can't you just see the rolled eyes over that one?)

WHEN THEY WERE HEADED OUT TO THEIR JOBS --
"Having a lazy person on the job is like a mouth full of vinegar or smoke in your eyes."  Proverbs 10:26
(After all, we wanted them to be good employees, didn't we?)

WHEN WE WERE CONCERNED ABOUT THE POSSIBLE BAD INFLUENCE OF CERTAIN FRIENDS -- 
"A few dead flies in perfume make all of it stink, and a little foolishness outweighs a lot of wisdom."  Ecclesiastes 10:1

"The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad."  Proverbs 15:3

AND ONE I POSTED ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS --

"Don't make fun of your father or disobey your mother -- crows will peck out your eyes, and buzzards will eat the rest of you." Proverbs 30:17

Verses taken from the Contemporary English Version of the Bible.

Appreciating Health

"Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers."  3 John 2

Finally.  It is February 8, 2013, and I am finally coming out from the fog of sickness which began on New Year's Eve.  Yesterday afternoon I took my last dose of the fourth antibiotic in a row that I've been prescribed for sinusitis and bronchitis.  In the first five weeks of the new year, I visited the doctor 5 times and had 5 injections into my ample bootay.  I coughed, blew my nose and groaned my way through the entire month of January.  Poor Steve.

My outlook has been bleak.  My disposition has been less-than-sunny.  My attitude has been grumpy and ungrateful.  My energy level has been zilch.  All of the coughing made my blood pressure go up to alarming levels.  I've missed activities I really enjoy -- such as  Wednesday choir rehearsals and singing on Sunday morning -- because I didn't want to distract or infect everyone around me with uncontrollable coughing fits. 

However, even though the Groundhog DID see his shadow, and we're facing 6 more weeks of winter, I am feeling better, and the world looks like a good place to me once again.  God has continued to teach me, even when my spirit was pretty much unteachable.  Here are some lessons from the first 6 weeks of 2013:

1) My newly-retired husband -- my own personal Silver Fox -- has endless patience, and I do mean ENDLESS.  No telling how many hours of his sleep were interrupted by my coughing.  He pitched in to keep meals prepared, and he barely uttered a grunt of complaint as the laundry piled up.  He has been attentive and kind.  I have always known in my heart that he would be steadfast and devoted if I should ever be diagnosed with something serious, even terminal, and he affirmed that for me yet again without saying a word.  His actions said it all.

2) In spite of the aggravation of my recurring infections, I'm generally blessed with good health.  Just last week, my yearly mammogram results came back as NORMAL (thank you, Lord).  That's a big deal to me.  My mother and sister both had breast cancer.  Several dear friends have had it.  I had a biopsy in 1992 that was benign, but it's probably in the back of every woman's mind -- "Will this be the time when something is seen in that mammogram?"

3) Our great friends, Rick and Martine Sharp, are going through MONSTER health challenges right now.  They are in Little Rock, AR, as Rick endures massive doses of chemotherapy, endless tests and shots, and the loss of his hair as he is prepared to harvest stem cells to be used for a transplant to treat his multiple myeloma.  Martine is beside him every step of the way.  They are facing these days with grace, a positive spirit, and the sure knowledge that God is powerful, He is the Great Physician, and that the outcome belongs to Him.  They are observing each day as the prayers of their many friends are being heard and answered in amazing ways.  What examples they are for all of us who are watching from the sidelines!  

So, that's where my mind is today.  I'm well.  I'm ready to be useful again.  I want to do my part around this house and in my church.  I'm eager to spend time with friends and get a fresh outlook and perspective from them.  And, as the prayer at the top of the post says, "I pray that in all respects YOU may prosper and be in good health."

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everybody!

Viva La Difference!

Considering that our three children were reared in the same home -- same town, same schools, same church, many of the same teachers -- with the same parents (both firstborns who came from similar social, economic, and religious backgrounds and who espoused similar moral convictions), and because they were so close in ages (born in '73, '77, '78), your logical brain would assume that the nests they've created as adults would also be extremely similar.  However, that is just not the case.

Oh yes, certain "basics" are shared by each family, so there is a reasonable amount of homogeneity.
1) They all still prefer Southern Baptist churches, or at least churches who line up that way spiritually and doctrinally.
2) They are in committed marriages.
3) They pull for the Auburn Tigers. (Well, we have one renegade in the group, but he's not a big football fan, so we give him a "pass.")
4) They happily allow their "qualified" children (at least 3 years old and potty-trained) to attend Cousins Camp each summer.
5) They all still live in the Southeast -- although with their chosen careers that could change at any time.
6) Whitt's Barbecue or anything from Big Bob's put smiles on their faces.  Although, most will also be happy if I serve Chicken Chili Success or Hungry Jack Casserole (family favorites while they were growing up).
7) All three Mommas have master's degrees, and are sensational, accomplished women.
8) All three Dads work hard to provide well for their families, and they are involved, attentive co-parents.

But, beyond those common bonds, their paths have diverged and so have their parenting styles.  Much of that can be attributed to the in-law children we have adopted along the way.  Each has brought a unique worldview and personality into the family mix, and because of Katie, Brian, and David, we have all been enriched and have become much more diverse.  Also, they have gone their own way geographically -- not a single one of us still lives in Hartselle, AL, although I'm quite sure we all think of Hartselle as our hometown.  Sometimes when you get outside of the Tennessee Valley, things are "just different."  Can you relate?

Recently, Steve and I went to see the movie "Parental Guidance."  It is clean, well-done, and hysterically funny.  The grandparents in this movie are asked to go and spend a week with their grandchildren while the parents go out of town.  The grandparents arrive with their heads wrapped around "the way they always did things," only to be confronted with the very unfamiliar child-rearing methods and approaches that their daughter and her husband are now using.  The resulting clashes are what make the movie funny.  However, in real life such clashes can be more daunting.

Here are some basic descriptions of the three households now managed by our children and their spouses.  Let me be quick to say that ALL of these are GOOD.  NONE are BAD.  But, they are . . . different.

Family #1 lives on a 30-acre farm in rural Morgan County, AL.  They are expecting their 6th child and have 2 Momma goats, 3 baby goats, and 4 laying hens who each produce an egg a day.  Dad owns his own business and can generally set his own hours.  Mom homeschools the oldest 3 children and enjoys juicing, eating organically, and having folks over.  She can't wait to have a huge garden this spring -- just when Baby #6 is due to arrive.  She wears little make-up, loves to exercise, and blogs often about spiritual insights she has gleaned from her Bible study and prayer time.  She has many friends who enjoy large families and homeschooling as she does.  The kids haven't been taught to "believe in Santa Claus." They occasionally watch movies on the computer, but they currently don't have a TV, and internet/cellphone service is sporadic.  The oldest 2 daughters take violin lessons. Their days contain all the essential elements but would probably be described as unstructured.  There are many pairs of boots lining the walls of their mudroom, and books are treasured items.

Family #2 lives in Ft. Smith, Arkansas, near the AR/OK border.  Dad is a certified orthotist/prosthetist who works for a company based in Little Rock.  Mom homeschools her 2 children and teaches math on-line for a couple of universities.  She likes finding recipes on Pinterest and based her first child's kindergarten lessons on geography, reflecting her love of travel.  Dad volunteers to drive the historic trolley in downtown Ft. Smith several Saturdays a month, so the children enjoy being frequent passengers.  The children attend a church-sponsored homeschool cooperative a couple of mornings a week.  The TV in this house is on for sports, for special news events (i.e. the inauguration), for several children's programs, and after the children are in bed.  Their favorite restaurants are Pizza Hut and a Japanese place called Fuji.  They enjoy hosting guests for Thanksgiving, and on Auburn football game days.  Santa Claus is barely given a passing glance, and the kids get their presents on New Year's Day (primarily because of traveling to Alabama during the actual Christmas holidays).  There are a couple of computers in the house, and they share an iPad and Mom's iPhone. Mom loves make-up.  They are regularly at church for Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, but the children also learn a lot of Scripture using the KidsPraise series (I think that's what it's called).

Family #3 lives in El Dorado, AR, near the AR/LA border.  Dad is the pastor of the local First Baptist Church.  Mom is active in the church and in her children's school activities.  These children attend public schools.  Besides two boys, they recently adopted a 5-year-old girl from Ethiopia.  Her language and cultural acquisition have been priorities for the past 6 months.  They love attending the Friday night high school football games, and the youngest son participates in many community sports teams.  They are at the church A LOT, so the children have many friends there and at school.  Santa Claus is a lot of fun for them.  Their refrigerator is always full of fresh vegetables and milk.  They consume very little sugar.  Dad loves to grill.  They entertain and "are entertained" often.  Television is used sparingly in this family (except for SEC football) but has been particularly useful for helping the newest child learn English.  These children LOVE The Disney Channel. They play outside as much as possible, but all three children have electronic devices that they use for education and play.  Dad is a HUGE techie.  A night at home with just the 5 of them is rare, so it is treasured and protected.

Now, try to imagine being the grandparents for each of these families.  AND envision the different "languages" that would need to be spoken in order to communicate effectively with each one.  Anything about Pop Culture or "late-breaking news" would be a waste of breath in Family #1.  "How many eggs did you gather this morning?" would be a worthless question in Family #2.  By the same token, "What is the capital of Finland?" would be met by blank stares in Family #3.  If I were to say the word KENTUCKY at Cousins Camp, for example, Allie might pipe up with "Some Amish people live there;" Nathan would say, "The capital is Frankfort," and Seth would yell out "Wildcats!"

Steve and I have so much fun digging out the personalities and the preferences of each of our grandchildren.  We have a strong desire to speak to them in their true heart languages.  They are so individual, unique -- "fearfully and wonderfully made."  No cookie-cutter grandkids in this family.  We say 'VIVA LA DIFFERENCE!'

In Self-Defense

So, my son posted the following on his own blog this morning.  You should probably take a couple of minutes to read it before we go any further.

http://matthewspearson.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/gettin-all-up-in-their-bness/

He dared suggest that I did an abundance of questioning during his (and his sisters') teenage years.  Those of you who know me best can probably give your own testimonials about being put on the witness stand by the Queen of Questions.  And all the while, I just thought I was being politely interested and curious.  :)  I STILL feel that way.  Why share space with another human being without learning something about what makes them tick?

First, I'll have to say that if I am the Queen of Questions, then my dear mother was most certainly The Queen Mother of Questions.  Long before there were mute or pause buttons on TV remotes, she was well-known to be her most talkative and inquisitive when the rest of the family was glued to the set watching a program (also before the days of the DVR).  It was said of her that she could "carry on a conversation with a signpost."  And those descriptive words were said in the most affectionate way possible.  My Mom was friendly . . and she was curious . . . she was a verbal communicator . . .and she loved people.  One of her favorite social activities was going to the grocery store because she HOPED she would run into a friend or acquaintance and get caught up on their news.  So, my first line of defense is that it was modeled for me from birth, and I am genetically-predisposed to be this way.

Secondly, I was given permission to be this way by a person I trusted thoroughly when my children were growing up -- their pediatrician, Dr. William Walker in Decatur, AL.  Oh my!  What a wonderful doctor.  Such a wise man.  Every family should have someone like Dr. Walker.  I can't count the number of times he looked over his glasses at me to "tell it to me straight" when he thought I needed to adjust something in the way I was handling the upbringing of my children.  I usually made it to the car before I dissolved into tears, but I took his advice to heart, and everything he said proved to be correct.  Ultimately, we all benefited from his knowledge and frankness.  Once, when I had firstborn Laura in his office for her yearly check-up, she stepped out for a couple of minutes to be weighed, measured and probably given her hated inoculations.  I mentioned to Dr. Walker that Laura was very quiet.  She would come in from school in the afternoons, go up to her room, and we wouldn't hear a peep out of her until suppertime.  I remember saying, "Is that all right?  Should I leave her alone like that?"  His response -- looking directly at me, once again over his glasses -- "Do whatever you have to do to stay in her world."  Now, I admit that I had to think about that for awhile.  At that point in Laura's life, she didn't WANT me to "stay in her world."  She wanted to be left alone, but in my heart, I knew it wasn't best for her to internalize so much without learning to share her concerns and problems.  I started by going upstairs, knocking on her door, and going in to sit on her bed with her for a few minutes in the afternoons just skimming the surface of events from that day.  She didn't always act like she enjoyed my little visits, but deep down I think the few minutes of individual attention started to grow on her.  She was never a behavior problem in school, and her grades were always at the top.  It was more a matter of what was in her heart.  With Dr. Walker's urging coupled with my already-curious nature, I felt like I had my marching orders to plunge ahead.  My other two children were easier and more talkative than Laura, but they each posed their own challenges in terms of getting inside their heads.  I really had to become a student of my children.

In Matt's blog post, he spends a good bit of time talking about the internet as both a threat and an information-gathering device.  When my children were teens, our "NET" consisted of the network of parents we had with our children's friends -- at school, at church, on sports teams.  It was critical for me to know who my children's friends "belonged to."  In other words, who was their Momma?  Who was their Daddy?  Where did they go to church?  Where did they work?  What kind of lifestyle did they live?  I REALLY wanted to know a lot before my children were allowed to spend significant time in their homes.  I had the very good fortune to get a job teaching chorus at Hartselle Junior High the very year that my oldest child entered Junior High.  I was there for all but the last year that Pearson kids were in that school.  What a great resource that was as a parent.  I could observe all of their friends, their behaviors, and their reputations.  I could chaperone school events, and I got to know parents that weren't in our same church or neighborhood.  I realize that not everyone gets to have such a Front Row Seat, but I have seen numerous parents who have become valuable volunteers at the schools where I've worked or they have even been substitute teachers.  That has given them the same kind of "eyes and ears" regarding their children and the friends they were choosing.

In addition to my genetic make-up and Dr. Walker's permission, I felt that I also had a "word from The Word" regarding the importance of finding out what was in the heart of my children.  Proverbs 20:5 says, "A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out."  I wanted to be a woman of understanding.  Maybe I should have been a psychiatrist or a counselor, but instead I was a Momma (and wife and friend and teacher) who wanted to understand.  I sincerely hope that somewhere along the line while asking all of these hundreds, even thousands, of questions, that just maybe I have also become a discerning listener.  After all, why ask a question if you're not going to be still long enough to hear the answer?  Right?

Parents, Matt raises some very good points about knowing all you can possibly know about what your child is learning/viewing/typing/sharing/texting on the internet or with cellphones.  I agree with him.  Our children are our responsibilities and our great gifts from God.  If it's THEIR business, then it's certainly OUR business.  They will be adults soon enough.  The curiosity, love and interest can remain, but at that point there really is a lot that is JUST their business.  Until then, I'll say to you what Dr. Walker said to me:  Do whatever you have to do to stay in your child's world. 

I'd love to hear from some of you parents about how you managed to stay connected to your children while they were living in your home.  What worked?  What didn't work?  What do you wish you had done differently?  And parents who right this minute have children living at home with cellphones and internet access, how are you managing this monster in your midst?  Please share your wisdom.