Back Door Theology

Steve and I had at least one teenager living in our house from November of 1986 until October of 1998.  There were a few years when Laura, Matt and Julie were all teenagers at the same time, and to add to the merriment we threw in a fourth one (an exchange student from Germany named Sebastian) for the 1992-93 school year.  Everywhere we turned we had hormonal angst in the form of acne, drivers' tests, first kisses, homecoming dances, proms, break-ups, fender-benders, youth camps, final exams, ACT tests, golf tournaments, show choir performances, softball games, soccer games, track meets, trips abroad, and even a FAMILY Spring Break trip to Panama City in an embarrassing (to them) minivan with a turtle on top for "cruising the strip" in style.

For the most part, I look back on those years and would actually like to be living them again (provided I could know how everything and everyone was going to turn out).  The days were crazy busy but full of amazing memories-in-the-making.

Now, some of you may have been blessed with perfect kids.  While mine had spurts of being mighty close to perfection, they also had bouts of just plain orneriness, hard-headedness, rebelliousness and even sneakiness (that sounds better than deceitfulness, doesn't it?).  We had an almost-written-in-stone habit of sitting down for dinner together, and out of those mealtimes came some wonderful family stories and jokes.  We laughed A LOT.  But, there were other days when I couldn't say "Good Morning" without a scowl or a slammed door or even worse, I couldn't say "How was your day?" without rolled eyes and a loud huff.  When it seemed warranted, I would respond with a warning.  Other times I just shrugged, choosing to fight another battle on another day, and decided to view their actions as "the nature of the beast."  I hadn't exactly been a saint during my teenage years either, but I didn't think they needed to know that just yet.

We did do a lot of talking.  When our teenagers were in the mood to communicate, they were very witty, entertaining, insightful and honest.  We were fortunate to be in good churches during the years when our children needed to be surrounded by other Christian teenagers and parents, and they had very godly youth ministers.  Steve and I certainly did our share of "preaching" around the house, but we knew that often our words were completely tuned out.

I started pondering how I could leave them with a word of blessing or warning or encouragement or truth, even on days when they just wanted to head out the door, off to school or work, or on their dates without hearing anything from me.  As God would have it, I was spending a lot of time in Proverbs during those years, and I found a lot of wisdom in that book and in Ecclesiastes, verses that often said a lot in just a few words. I also realized that there was one particular wall by the back door that they almost HAD to see before leaving each time.  So, there was the perfect place for a "parting word," and I didn't have to come up with something out of thin air.  God had already provided it.

Here are some of the ones I found and used.  There are dozens more that would also be effective and useful.  Feel free to borrow this idea of putting God's word in front of your teenagers or tweak it in the way that would work best in your home.  I just didn't have the time to cross-stitch everything I wanted them to remember.  :)

WHEN WE WEREN'T SEEING EYE TO EYE --
"The Lord corrects everyone he loves, just as parents correct their favorite child."  Proverbs 3:12
(Laura and Julie automatically thought this referred to Matt since they called him The Golden Boy, but I hope they know by now that they were ALL THREE our favorites.)

"To accept correction is wise, to reject it is stupid."  Proverbs 12:1

"Children with good sense accept correction from their parents, but stubborn children ignore it completely."  Proverbs 13:1

"Children with good sense make their parents happy, but foolish children make them sad."  Proverbs 10:1

"Correct your children before it's too late; if you don't punish them, you are destroying them."  Proverbs 19:18

"My children, obey the teachings of your parents, and wear their teachings as you would a lovely hat or a pretty necklace."  Proverbs 1:8-9
(Can't you just see the rolled eyes over that one?)

WHEN THEY WERE HEADED OUT TO THEIR JOBS --
"Having a lazy person on the job is like a mouth full of vinegar or smoke in your eyes."  Proverbs 10:26
(After all, we wanted them to be good employees, didn't we?)

WHEN WE WERE CONCERNED ABOUT THE POSSIBLE BAD INFLUENCE OF CERTAIN FRIENDS -- 
"A few dead flies in perfume make all of it stink, and a little foolishness outweighs a lot of wisdom."  Ecclesiastes 10:1

"The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad."  Proverbs 15:3

AND ONE I POSTED ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS --

"Don't make fun of your father or disobey your mother -- crows will peck out your eyes, and buzzards will eat the rest of you." Proverbs 30:17

Verses taken from the Contemporary English Version of the Bible.