Considering that our three children were reared in the same home -- same town, same schools, same church, many of the same teachers -- with the same parents (both firstborns who came from similar social, economic, and religious backgrounds and who espoused similar moral convictions), and because they were so close in ages (born in '73, '77, '78), your logical brain would assume that the nests they've created as adults would also be extremely similar. However, that is just not the case.
Oh yes, certain "basics" are shared by each family, so there is a reasonable amount of homogeneity.
1) They all still prefer Southern Baptist churches, or at least churches who line up that way spiritually and doctrinally.
2) They are in committed marriages.
3) They pull for the Auburn Tigers. (Well, we have one renegade in the group, but he's not a big football fan, so we give him a "pass.")
4) They happily allow their "qualified" children (at least 3 years old and potty-trained) to attend Cousins Camp each summer.
5) They all still live in the Southeast -- although with their chosen careers that could change at any time.
6) Whitt's Barbecue or anything from Big Bob's put smiles on their faces. Although, most will also be happy if I serve Chicken Chili Success or Hungry Jack Casserole (family favorites while they were growing up).
7) All three Mommas have master's degrees, and are sensational, accomplished women.
8) All three Dads work hard to provide well for their families, and they are involved, attentive co-parents.
But, beyond those common bonds, their paths have diverged and so have their parenting styles. Much of that can be attributed to the in-law children we have adopted along the way. Each has brought a unique worldview and personality into the family mix, and because of Katie, Brian, and David, we have all been enriched and have become much more diverse. Also, they have gone their own way geographically -- not a single one of us still lives in Hartselle, AL, although I'm quite sure we all think of Hartselle as our hometown. Sometimes when you get outside of the Tennessee Valley, things are "just different." Can you relate?
Recently, Steve and I went to see the movie "Parental Guidance." It is clean, well-done, and hysterically funny. The grandparents in this movie are asked to go and spend a week with their grandchildren while the parents go out of town. The grandparents arrive with their heads wrapped around "the way they always did things," only to be confronted with the very unfamiliar child-rearing methods and approaches that their daughter and her husband are now using. The resulting clashes are what make the movie funny. However, in real life such clashes can be more daunting.
Here are some basic descriptions of the three households now managed by our children and their spouses. Let me be quick to say that ALL of these are GOOD. NONE are BAD. But, they are . . . different.
Family #1 lives on a 30-acre farm in rural Morgan County, AL. They are expecting their 6th child and have 2 Momma goats, 3 baby goats, and 4 laying hens who each produce an egg a day. Dad owns his own business and can generally set his own hours. Mom homeschools the oldest 3 children and enjoys juicing, eating organically, and having folks over. She can't wait to have a huge garden this spring -- just when Baby #6 is due to arrive. She wears little make-up, loves to exercise, and blogs often about spiritual insights she has gleaned from her Bible study and prayer time. She has many friends who enjoy large families and homeschooling as she does. The kids haven't been taught to "believe in Santa Claus." They occasionally watch movies on the computer, but they currently don't have a TV, and internet/cellphone service is sporadic. The oldest 2 daughters take violin lessons. Their days contain all the essential elements but would probably be described as unstructured. There are many pairs of boots lining the walls of their mudroom, and books are treasured items.
Family #2 lives in Ft. Smith, Arkansas, near the AR/OK border. Dad is a certified orthotist/prosthetist who works for a company based in Little Rock. Mom homeschools her 2 children and teaches math on-line for a couple of universities. She likes finding recipes on Pinterest and based her first child's kindergarten lessons on geography, reflecting her love of travel. Dad volunteers to drive the historic trolley in downtown Ft. Smith several Saturdays a month, so the children enjoy being frequent passengers. The children attend a church-sponsored homeschool cooperative a couple of mornings a week. The TV in this house is on for sports, for special news events (i.e. the inauguration), for several children's programs, and after the children are in bed. Their favorite restaurants are Pizza Hut and a Japanese place called Fuji. They enjoy hosting guests for Thanksgiving, and on Auburn football game days. Santa Claus is barely given a passing glance, and the kids get their presents on New Year's Day (primarily because of traveling to Alabama during the actual Christmas holidays). There are a couple of computers in the house, and they share an iPad and Mom's iPhone. Mom loves make-up. They are regularly at church for Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, but the children also learn a lot of Scripture using the KidsPraise series (I think that's what it's called).
Family #3 lives in El Dorado, AR, near the AR/LA border. Dad is the pastor of the local First Baptist Church. Mom is active in the church and in her children's school activities. These children attend public schools. Besides two boys, they recently adopted a 5-year-old girl from Ethiopia. Her language and cultural acquisition have been priorities for the past 6 months. They love attending the Friday night high school football games, and the youngest son participates in many community sports teams. They are at the church A LOT, so the children have many friends there and at school. Santa Claus is a lot of fun for them. Their refrigerator is always full of fresh vegetables and milk. They consume very little sugar. Dad loves to grill. They entertain and "are entertained" often. Television is used sparingly in this family (except for SEC football) but has been particularly useful for helping the newest child learn English. These children LOVE The Disney Channel. They play outside as much as possible, but all three children have electronic devices that they use for education and play. Dad is a HUGE techie. A night at home with just the 5 of them is rare, so it is treasured and protected.
Now, try to imagine being the grandparents for each of these families. AND envision the different "languages" that would need to be spoken in order to communicate effectively with each one. Anything about Pop Culture or "late-breaking news" would be a waste of breath in Family #1. "How many eggs did you gather this morning?" would be a worthless question in Family #2. By the same token, "What is the capital of Finland?" would be met by blank stares in Family #3. If I were to say the word KENTUCKY at Cousins Camp, for example, Allie might pipe up with "Some Amish people live there;" Nathan would say, "The capital is Frankfort," and Seth would yell out "Wildcats!"
Steve and I have so much fun digging out the personalities and the preferences of each of our grandchildren. We have a strong desire to speak to them in their true heart languages. They are so individual, unique -- "fearfully and wonderfully made." No cookie-cutter grandkids in this family. We say 'VIVA LA DIFFERENCE!'
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