CLEANSED

Over a month ago, I put the word "CLEANSE" on my calendar for Tuesday, April 12, 2011. My first-ever colonoscopy was scheduled for the day after, so I began dreading the clear liquids and horrible-tasting, clean-you-out stuff that had to be consumed in large quantities at various points preceding my arrival for the test. Generally, "cleanse" is a good word, especially when you're referring to housekeeping chores, teeth-brushing, make-up removal, and the like. But, this kind of cleanse was what everyone referred to as "by far the worst part of a colonoscopy." The kind where you don't dare leave the house and you wear very loose clothing.

The closer I got to April 12th, the more the Lord convicted me that I needed another kind of cleansing, too. A spiritual cleansing. A time of confession and seeking forgiveness. A day when my slate could be wiped clean and God could hear my prayers again. The vast majority of my prayer time had been consumed with thanksgiving and intercession, with precious little else other than a cursory "and forgive me of my sins." I knew the list had begun to really mount. I could feel it in my soul.

So, last Tuesday morning, after a breakfast of iced tea and jello, I read my Scripture passages for the day, and then I sat still with my notebook turned to a fresh page, my pen poised, and my heart ready to hear from God. I asked God to convict me and to remind me of all the sins in my life that had not been confessed.

I was claiming two verses in particular:

Psalm 32:5 "I acknowledged my sin to Thee, and my iniquity I did not hide. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and Thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.'"

1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

The conviction began quickly. God brought to my mind overt sins, attitudes that were offensive to Him, promises I had failed to keep, people who were not seeing a consistent Christian walk from me, actions that I had justified as "okay" but that He considered wasteful and ungodly. My pen flew, and the pages quickly filled. With a heavy heart, I got up to do other things for awhile, but the conviction continued. I found that not having food or eating on the front burner of my mind allowed me to focus on more important aspects of my life, and I could hear His voice more clearly. Isn't that why He wants His children to fast?

Throughout the day, as sins (yes, call them what that are, SINS) were brought to my mind, I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me, and I have the assurance that as He looked into my heart and saw true repentance, then His forgiveness erased my sins -- not the consequences of them, but the guilt of them.

By the end of that 24-hour period, I was physically cleansed and spiritually cleansed. I hope the physical aspect will be an impetus toward better eating habits, and the spiritual effect will cause me to confess and seek forgiveness often. I want the lines of communication between my Abba Father and me to be completely free, clear, and constantly open. Just as I long to hear His voice, I desire for my prayers to be unhindered.

After my colonoscopy, the doctor told Steve (because I was "out of it") that I didn't have to come back for another one for 10 years. That's supposed to be good news from a medical standpoint, but can you imagine how muddled, even destroyed, my communication with God would be if I waited 10 years to confess my sins again? My physical goal will be more fiber and less fat. My spiritual goal will be DAILY confession and cleansing from sin made possible by the death and resurrection of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Selah.