Why "The Proverbs 32 Woman?"

I immediately want to dispel the notion that the Bible is inadequate, so I need to add a chapter to it. Absolutely not! No, this label was bestowed upon me by my son during a conversation in which I totally blew the concepts present in the 31 full, rich chapters of Proverbs as given to us by God. I asked him to talk to one of our daughters' boyfriends about spiritual things. He said, "But Mom, what do you want me to say? I don't know how to begin." I (now famously) replied, "Son, just keep talking till you say something good." Matt rolled his eyes and said "Words to live by from my Mom, the Proverbs 32 Woman." Fortunately, he knew, from years of Sunday School lessons and sermons, that Proverbs teaches just the opposite. Words are to be used sparingly and carefully. Proverbs 10:19 specifically says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise." I took Matt's rebuke in the lighthearted manner in which it was uttered, but I continued to think about my never-ending quest to fit the description of the "The Virtuous Wife" given in Proverbs 31.
King Lemuel's mother gave him an amazing list of characteristics to look for as he chose his life partner. I've heard preachers say that no one woman was to have had ALL of these traits, but that Lemuel's choice should exhibit many of them, with the overarching one being her "fear of the Lord." Lemuel's mother even made it easy for him to memorize by putting this in the form of an acrostic with each of the 22 verses starting with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet.
Well, the list is daunting. Her sleep habits alone eliminate me from consideration. Verse 15 says she "rises while it is yet night," and verse 18 says "her lamp does not go out by night," which seems to suggest that this woman works from Dark to Dark. Read Proverbs 31:10-31 sometime and be challenged and amazed along with me.
My sanctified imagination started getting out of hand, and I began to wonder what that list might look like if Lemuel and his mother were living in 2010, and if they were searching for "a virtuous woman" among the women in today's churches (I call them Southern Belle Baptists). If we used the English alphabet for our acrostic, maybe it would go something like this:

A = She is very much AWARE of the difference between AUBURN University and the University of ALABAMA, but she wouldn't dare express her preference in the middle of church. She is in AWE of the majesty and wonder of God's power and creation. She APPRECIATES the blessings that have been poured on her. And, she "stands AMAZED in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene and wonders how He could love her, a sinner, condemned, unclean."

B = She's a BAPTIST and knows how to lead her family in a race with the Methodists to the restaurants after church on Sundays, but she's also a BORN-AGAIN BELIEVER in the BIRTH, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

C = She loves pretty CHINA patterns, CASSEROLES, and The Cotton Country Cookbook, and is the most enthusiastic CHEERLEADER for her husband and children. She is a CHRISTIAN, a fact that is genuinely felt and understood by all who know her.

Get the idea? If you'd like to hear the rest of my 26, invite me to come and speak at your church. I'd love to see you in person and share some of the lessons God has taught me.